This month is National Blog
Posting Month (colloquially referred to as NaBloPoMo) which is a community
sustained challenge for professional and personal bloggers to publish one post
every day of the month. I've committed to NaBloPoMo on my personal blog for the
second year in a row in hopes of tapping into a new level of writing inspiration
and motivation. Less than a week into the challenge, I feel like I have instead
tapped into new levels of incredulity because I have subjected myself to this
challenge again despite the struggles I had last year.
When I first attempted the
challenge last year, I assumed that the hardest part would be carving out time
every day to devote to writing a blog that I felt was worthy of publishing.
While that has certainly been part of my struggle, this year I'm realizing that
the actual hardest part is listening. In order to blog successfully and
authentically every day, I have to more deliberately listen to what I'm
thinking, feeling, and experiencing throughout the day which requires a level
of self-vulnerability I didn't anticipate when I decided to take on this
challenge.
This unexpected experience is
much like what I went through during the Enneagram sessions that Wellspring
offered the past two weeks. While I recognized that a certain level of
self-work would be necessary to discuss personality types, I didn't expect to
have to look that deeply at what motivates some of my most deeply entrenched
ways of being. I had mentally prepared myself to be extra attentive to the
presenter and to other people in the session but not to myself.
The strange thing that I am
learning from the NaBloPoMo challenge along with the Enneagram sessions is that
in order to be attentive and even vulnerable with other people I have to be
willing to be vulnerable with and attentive to myself. In order to be honest
and present with others, I have to practice being fully present with myself.
For me, that means giving myself time to breathe and center myself. It means quietly acknowledging feelings when they arise, even if I’d rather gloss over them. It means praying daily for the patience to be still and listen.
What about you? What does it look like for you to be present with yourself? How do you practice self-vulnerability?
- Angelique Gravely
