Wobbly Walk with God

Stepping Stones by Maria Keays on Flickr

A couple of weeks ago, I was picking up produce from our farm share at our local garden. This weekly ritual - shared with my toddler - often falls in the midst of multiple errands that get squeezed into the post-naptime/pre-dinnertime window on my day off with her. On this particular afternoon, as we were walking through the garden, my daughter asked to walk along the wobbly stones bordering one of the plots. I helped her step up on the first stone and held her hand as we walked along.

At least, that’s what I thought I was doing. I suddenly realized that I was directing her by grasping her elbow tightly and setting the pace. I took a deep breath and made the choice to let my child take the lead. Wouldn’t this be so much more enjoyable, I thought, if I simply trusted her judgment to go at a pace she was comfortable with rather than hurriedly pulling her along?

I realized that my walk with my child was much like my walk with God. When I pray, I often do it on my own schedule and forget to stop and listen in the process. I come to God with certain expectations in mind and find it difficult to have the patience necessary to make space for the Spirit. To trust God to take the lead.

Why am I always trying to call the shots, to take the reins? When I let my daughter set our pace that afternoon, I had to let go of a few things. I had to let go of my sense of urgency and my sense of security. Slowing down meant that we wouldn’t get our vegetables as quickly and be on to the next errand on our list. Loosening my grip meant allowing for the possibility that my child would trip and fall.

But I also allowed for something else: joy. Our weekly ritual had become a task rather than an opportunity to be in nature together, exploring the world. My toddler helped remind me how to breathe and take it all in.

How can we slow down and relinquish control, not just in our relationship with others but in our relationship with God? How can we let the moment happen rather than making it happen?  How do we leave room to be surprised by joy?

- The Rev. Callie Swanlund