Exhausting Our Lord

Text in graphic: This Week in the Rector's Note: Exhausting our Lord. 10.3.2019.
Church of St. Martin-in-the-Fields, Episcopal
"Jesus must find me exhausting."
Graphic: Photograph of a statue of a woman, possibly Mary the Mother of God,
with her head down and resting on her left hand, with fingers curled under.
The stone statue appears to be attached to a stone building - there are bare tree
branches in the distance in the top right of the image. the stone is considerably
covered with moss on the top of the veiled head and the hand.

Jesus must find me exhausting.
This thought occurred to me while at prayer during my vacation. Here I was listing off all my needs, sharing my sorrows and hurts, praying for my long list of friends and family in need, and begging for guidance, serenity, wisdom, courage, and every other virtue I lack, when I suddenly had tremendous sympathy for Jesus! What would it be like to be bombarded by this catalogue of woes daily by millions of people?

My instant reflex was to mutter an apology to Jesus for bothering him so much. Recognizing my neurotic guilt, I had a good laugh at myself and my stinking thinking and then - by God’s grace - I returned to awe and admiration for Jesus. How much love does it take to have enough love for everyone? I struggle to be adequately loving day in and day out to my little family of four. We are talking about a whole other scale of love here.

That is a huge relief for me and, I hope, for you. While I want always to grow in love as God’s grace nurtures me into “the full stature of Christ,” I need to admit that the world is too big and too demanding for even the highest capacity my loving will ever reach. What the world needs is the love of Jesus direct from him. The best I can do is to hopefully give folks a glimpse of that surpassing, all encompassing love in fragmentary form.
“What the world needs now is love, sweet love,” sang Burt Bacharach and he was so right. What we realize as we age and grow in wisdom through the crucible of marriage, parenting, family life, community life, friendship, and work is that we need a source of love beyond ourselves if we are going to do our part of that loving.

Blessings,
The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel
Rector

Stop Hiding, Open Up those Boxes

Image: A pale wood box with a gold clasp sits slightly open, with the opening of the box turned 20-30 degrees to the left.
Text in graphic: This Week in the Rector's Note "We are all wounded. Self-awareness, honesty, and trusting community help us turn our wounds into gifts of wisdom, sensitivity, and compassion. ...Again and again in pastoral caregiving at St. Martin’s I encounter wonderful people who are adding suffering to their suffering because they think they are the only one struggling in the community." - Stop Hiding, Open Up those Boxes. 9.26.2019. Church of St. Martin-in-the-Fields, Episcopal.

A journalist asked Brad Pitt the following question during an interview about his upcoming movie, “Was Ad Astra a way to work through some of the loneliness you may have been experiencing?” His answer was vulnerable and revealing, “The fact is, we all carry pain, grief, and loss,” he said. “We spend most of our time hiding it, but it’s there, it’s in you. So you open up those boxes.”

The article then gives the back story which I quote at length:

It was reported that the final straw in Pitt’s 11-year relationship with (Angelina) Jolie came in September 2016, when they fought about his drinking while aboard a private plane. Now, Pitt is committed to his sobriety. “I had taken things as far as I could take it, so I removed my drinking privileges,” he told me. After she filed for divorce, Pitt spent a year and a half in Alcoholics Anonymous. 

His recovery group was composed entirely of men, and Pitt was moved by their vulnerability. “You had all these men sitting around being open and honest in a way I have never heard,” Pitt said. “It was this safe space where there was little judgment, and therefore little judgment of yourself.” 

Astonishingly, no one from the group sold Pitt’s stories to the tabloids. The men trusted one another, and in that trust, he found catharsis. “It was actually really freeing just to expose the ugly sides of yourself,” he said. “There’s great value in that.”

I am grateful for the brave honesty Brad Pitt displays in this interview. My hope is that his example helped hundreds, maybe thousands of people, come out of hiding and into spaces transparency, trust, healing, and growth.

“We all carry pain, grief, and loss.” We are all wounded. Self-awareness, honesty, and trusting community help us turn our wounds into gifts of wisdom, sensitivity, and compassion. Hiding, avoiding, and denying cause wounds to fester into self-destructive behaviors and acting out which passes the harm to others. God’s grace transforms our despair over our wounds into hope for progress and growth into a “new creation.”

Again and again in pastoral caregiving at St. Martin’s I encounter wonderful people who are adding suffering to their suffering because they think they are the only one struggling in the community. They tell me that they feel that “everyone else” must “have it all together;” “have it all figured out,” or “have it easy.” When we only present ourselves as happy, high achieving, successful, and winning - that is, when we only share one side of our life - without knowing it we may be increasing the isolation of someone who is struggling. One of the most helpful things we can say to someone is, “You are not alone.”

I want St. Martin’s to be a community of love, acceptance, and grace where people feel free to come out of hiding and find the healing we all crave. Our church is called to be this way because Jesus was this way, and he continues to give us what we need to brave the journey into honesty and vulnerability.

In God’s presence there is no hiding, no deception, no masks, and no facade. As the Prayer Book says so beautifully, God is the one, “unto whom all hearts are open, all desires known, and from whom no secrets are hid.” We are transparent before God’s pervasive light and all encompassing love.

Blessings,
The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel
Rector

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If you'd like to know more about addiction and recovery, please join us at Parish Forum on Sunday, October 6 where Steele Stevens will lead a discussion on Understanding Addictions. Learn more on our Parish Forum page.

Guatemala Reflection: Part 2 - We are a Family

By Barbara Thomson

This is part two of Barbara’s reflection on the youth pilgrimage to Guatemala this July, on which she was one of the three adult leaders. If you missed it, you can read part one, "Witness", here.

My family grew as I attended this year’s visit to Guatemala. Being a St. Martin’s member has already grown my family to include the other adults and St. Martin’s youth. This year it grew to include the Guatemalan families that our group of 11 (plus 3 - our driver, guide, and interpreter) met as we plowed through the Highlands from churches to homes and missions in our packed red van.  

Our wonderful translator, Melvin. Photo by the Rev. Jarrett Kerbel

It takes a leap of faith to be an adult leader on these youth trips – especially one who gets on board at the last minute! I have chaperoned twice to South Dakota, but I was asked just a few weeks before this trip to join and didn’t fully realize all of what I’d be getting in to! We know before we leave where we’re going and what we’ll be doing, and we trust that we will get along while we’re there. As soon as we go through security, the magic of being in a family – my new family –  kicked in. We were not the traditional household of parents and children, but rather a group of people with certain roles who watch out for, take care of, and love each other during our time together and thereafter. 

Photo of the youth at the chocolate factory. From Clare's camera.

Our group started every day with breakfast, piled into the van, took on a new experience, sat down for lunch, took on another experience, sat down for dinner, and ended with compline. We quickly knew who positioned for the window seat, who carried the soccer balls, and who loved fancy coffee and pink drinks. At the end of the day, we all asked God to “Keep watch with those who work or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep…”

Compline by flashlight. Photo by the Rev. Jarrett Kerbel.

Ground transportation in San Lucas. Photo by the Rev. Jarrett Kerbel.

Kate balancing a tub. Photo by Gavin.

While our youth group became a family as we walked through security at the airport, we met our extended St. Martin’s family as we walked into their churches and homes, and then played soccer. (We found that our St. Martin’s kids were better prepared for their cold showers after a hot and sweaty soccer workout.) With each new family we met, each new story we heard, these people became family to us. We were welcomed into homes and churches where they fed us, taught us, and shared time and company. 

Guatemalan church family. Photo by Gavin.

Youth with a Guatemalan family. Photo by Clare.

Hospitality. Photo by Clare.

Playing fútbol. Photo by Clare.

At the end of the day, we would talk about and try to understand what we saw, felt, and learned that day. Every day someone talked about how he or she was touched by the children’s love for learning, communicating despite language gaps, how welcome they felt at the homes and churches we visited, the care from our guide, driver, and interpreter, and the gap in wealth. We also spent time thanking our St. Martin’s kids for showing so much appreciation and respect to the families they met. We were proud of them and appreciate their individual contributions.

Home visit near Chichicastenango in Sepela. Photo by the Rev. Jarrett Kerbel.

Dinner with the Bishop of Guatemala. Photo by the Rev. Jarrett Kerbel.

Within our own group, we took care of each other. There were moments of concern as some were overwhelmed with emotion and some had digestive issues. When asked to help get the sick ones packed up so we could get the group to Antigua, they helped out without flinching and the sick ones were given preferential treatment for the 2 hour ride. When we arrived back in Miami, the first ones at baggage claim collected all the bags and had them waiting for the rest of us as we made our way through Customs. 

Kate holding a baby. Photo by Clare.

The St. Martin’s folks and the Guatemalan folks became a group of people with certain roles who watched out for, took care of, and loved each other during our time together. I’ve also found that the love doesn’t end. We may not see each other regularly but our care for one another lives on so that when we see someone, like Leslie who we recognize from a story from years past, we make sure she gets her new glasses. We are connected. We are a family.

We're on a boat! Photo by Gavin.

The family returns home. Photo by the Rev. Jarrett Kerbel.

Guatemala Reflection: Part 1 - Witness

By Barbara Thomson

This is part one of Barbara’s reflection on the youth pilgrimage to Guatemala this July, on which she was one of the three adult leaders.

Rooftops, Mountain, Sky in Guatemala. Photo by Gavin.

Honestly, I was not totally prepared for what we experienced in Guatemala. 

As we traveled to different places, such as Xela to Pachoj or ChiChi or San Lucas Toliman, we shared what we were going to see, who we were going to meet, and what we were going to do. Just as you prepare yourself and/or your children for new experiences, the adults tried to prepare the youths for the people and environment they were going to encounter. It was often head-spinning to hear:

They will be living in a place that looks like a shack to us. The whole family lives in one room. There is no indoor running water. There is no bathroom. There are no windows. They use wood to cook in their stoves and heat their homes.

Kids typically leave school around 6th grade so they can work and earn money for the family. One family recently got a solar panel and has electricity that allows them to work later into the night to embroider their piece-work garments. There’s no school bus. The families can’t afford school supplies such as notebooks and uniforms without our help. The families depend on us at St. Martin’s to send their kids to school.

For those over 18, you will meet women in the prison and see many children. Their children live there with them until they are 4 years old. The women cook for themselves in the prison kitchen. Their families and Father Roberto bring them food. They wash their clothes by hand.  

The Mission started out with Father Greg who saw malnourished children over 50 years ago and it has grown to a thriving school, coffee coop, women’s center, and hospital. 

Father Stan Rother was an American martyr who was killed at his church during the 30-year Civil War.

I especially related to the education and medical issues. As a mother and wife, these are my primary concerns for my family. I could feel how hard and what a hardship it was for children to go to school. Many of the families can’t help their children with their schoolwork because the families don’t speak, read or write in Spanish. They speak K’iche’, their native Mayan language that is mostly spoken. The parents may not be able to read or write because they didn’t go to school. Education is not an expectation for everybody. It is only for those who can afford it. 

This is true for healthcare, too. There is no government assisted healthcare. Emergency rooms exist for those who can pay for them. And when someone has no money, it means no ibuprofen, no antibiotics, no allergy or asthma medicine, no well visits, no eyeglasses, no high blood pressure medicine, no chemotherapy, no x-rays, no anesthesia for delivering babies, and no dialysis. Simple afflictions that we take care of with doctor visits or trips to our medicine cabinets in our bathrooms, could potentially be life threatening.  If you need special surgery, you wait until a group of surgeons comes to the mission hospital and hope you get operated on during the week they’re in town that year. Birth control is not discussed although many girls have babies in their teens and it is not uncommon for someone to have 10 children. 

We arrived at their churches, missions, and homes and we were welcomed with open hearts, food to eat, and gifts. They all made us a special meal. The women taught us to make tortillas. We heard about the difference St. Martin’s has made in their lives. We heard from the young adults who were children a few years ago talking about getting jobs in schools and teaching the next generation or becoming bookkeepers and earning more money for their families. One scholarship student is now at the University and wants to be the President of Guatemala. We met the young boys who are being raised by their grandparents because their parents abandoned them to work in Guatemala City but were not heard from again. We heard from a family living with HIV and luckily receiving medicine because of St. Martin’s support. 

Making Tortillas. Photo by Clare.

We met the women who run the chocolate coop. We were told that we were visiting a chocolate factory. Upon arrival we learned that the chocolate factory consisted of a room with a wood burning stove and a small table. The women make the chocolate at home and sell it door to door or in the market. They divide up the money at their meetings and each person receives her share of the money in a Ziploc bag with her name on it. In these better homes, they have stoves with flues, which helps to minimize the smoke from the wood they burn. Otherwise, they cook over open fires.

As we traveled over mountains, around hairpin turns, over Lake Atitlan and between cities, and walked through the cornfields to their homes, we learned about our long-standing relationships with the people we couldn’t necessarily identify before our trip. We met Leslie and her family. Leslie was the recipient of an eye exam and eyeglasses in 2014 because some St. Martin’s youths discovered her condition kept her from going to school. She was wearing her glasses when we met her we recognized it is time for a check-up. Unfortunately, Leslie still does not attend school because she was so far behind when she got her glasses, but we are providing for new glasses and some books to help her learn to read. Leslie speaks some Spanish but is most comfortable speaking K’iche’. We are also sending various inexpensive over the counter reading glasses to the women who work late into the night on their piecework.

Over and over we heard the families explain the huge impact St. Martin’s has made on their lives. The children love to go to school and the parents appreciate it. The older ones are now working in professions thanks to their scholarships. And after we all talked, the American and Guatemalan kids would play soccer together. They’d divide into teams, run after the ball, make some goals, laugh and cheer, cry foul sometimes, and keep going until they got the nod from the adults that it is time to go to our next thing.  

My family grew as I attended this year’s visit to Guatemala. Being a St. Martin’s member has already grown my family to include the other adults and St. Martin’s youth. This year it grew to include the Guatemalan families that our group met as we plowed through the Highlands from churches to homes and missions in our packed red van. 

Watch next week for part two of Barbara’s reflection on Guatemala, "We are a Family".

Theology and Hymnody

Editor's Note: The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel is away this month on his vacation. While he is away our Associate Rector, the Rev. Anne Thatcher, will be writing for the Rector's Note.

Young Choir Campers in the chancel at St. Martin's, are led by co-teacher Rae Ann Anderson. The nave of the church is in the background with two girls singing from open folders in the main ground, and other seated campers in the foreground.

Both the parish house and the sanctuary have been filled this week with music, children’s voices, joy, and laughter. Choir Camp is in full swing. St. Martin’s, under the leadership of our Director of Music, Erik Meyer, is focused on giving the gift of choir music to our young people.

The other week I preached on the power of committing scripture to memory and how we often don’t realize that we already know a verse or even a Psalm by heart. Both words and music form us unconsciously. Hymnody is full of theology that we absorb each time we sing a particular hymn or worship tune. Poetry, theology, and scripture are the bedrock of the ancient and modern hymns of the church.

It is easier to see when you can read the verses without the musical notes lining the entire text…

“Of the Father’s love begotten 

‘Er the worlds began to be 

He is Alpha and Omega 

He the Source the Ending he 

Of the things that are, that have been, 

And that future years shall see 

Evermore and evermore.”

I realized after high school that I had Psalm 23 memorized, along with the hymn I just quoted above, because we sang them set to music in the North Salem High School concert choir. We often learn more quickly when the words or lessons are set to music or rhythms. I still remember chanting my times tables for my mother when I was seven. I can still remember three of the first choir songs I learned in fourth grade with my elementary school choir. All three, while secular, had messages of unity, inclusion, and love.

Giving the gift of music to children is incredibly important for their artistic development and music in the Christian tradition is tremendous for their spiritual development. The theology in our music enfolds and permeates the soul. They are learning that God is love in a multitude of musical settings, surrounded by the voices of friends and peers. The seeds are planted and who knows how and when they will grow?

Sometimes on visits to St. Martin’s members in the hospital I have looked up their favorite hymns on YouTube and played them in the room on my phone. We have sung together the old favorites that people remember from their childhood and youth. These hymns provide comfort in the midst of affliction and anxiety. The ability to connect with a loved one continues through music even when speaking is no longer possible. Some people are still able to sing and respond to music. Music embedded with theology is a balm for the soul.

Next time you pick up a hymnal, take a few minutes to ponder the theological foundation of the verses that you are singing. Do you have a favorite hymn or verse? Why is it so important to you and why do you carry it close to your heart? May you raise your Ebenezer, mourn by the waters of Babylon, claim the almighty fortress of God, and find comfort in the music of the Messiah.

Blessings,
The Rev. Anne Thatcher
Associate Rector

Wonder, Love, and Curiosity

Editor's Note: The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel is away this month on his vacation. While he is away our Associate Rector, the Rev. Anne Thatcher, will be writing for the Rector's Note.

Introducing a new member of St. Martin's family: Laszlo,
a beautiful, red-coated, calm-tempered and curious Irish Doodle,
companion to the Rev. Anne Thatcher.

Introducing a new member of the St. Martin’s family, Laszlo…

My mornings now start with rising and immediately taking Laszlo, my new puppy, outside. Quick, quick, quick, before he empties his bladder on the stairs! Then our walk begins, though it is really more of a walk, wait, sit, tug, walk, wait, sit, and tug. I am rediscovering the world through the nose, eyes, and ears of Laszlo. Everything is new. I can tell when he is processing because he freezes and looks intently at an object or person or cocks his head as he listens to a sound. I can almost see the cogs in his tiny brain whirring around as he registers buses, runners, grass, sidewalks, plants, strollers, and on and on.

Upon my return from vacation, relaxed and recharged, I followed through on my plan to pick up my new puppy. I have not trained a puppy in over a decade. When I brought Leo home at fourteen weeks, he was already long-legged and had matured beyond the early chewing stages. Laszlo was both gloriously and terrifyingly tiny at nine weeks and twelve pounds when he came home. I alternate daily between amazement at how such a small puppy can be so well formed and terror at how to train such a vulnerable tiny being. I imagine that those of you who have raised children or pets have experienced that tension we carry within ourselves when we are responsible for the absolute care of another of God’s creation.

Our first walk on leash was short-lived as Laszlo - intrigued by every smell, sound, and sight - kept stopping and sitting down. Overwhelmed by the onrush of senses, he simply refused to move while he processed the experience. I was frustrated and after waiting a bit would try to urge him forward only to be met with renewed resistance as he dug in his heels. However, I have to acknowledge, Germantown Avenue is a busy, noisy place for a small puppy to experience for the first time. I went home and watched a video on puppy leash training and then we went out and tried it again.

This time whenever he froze I gave him a minute to process and then I gave him a gentle quick upward tug on his harness to bring him out of his frozen position. Sure enough, each time I did this, he would begin walking again. Once we got moving, it took us an hour to go around the block as I waited each time for him to process before I prompted him with the leash. Patience!

Being a young puppy, he is constantly trying out his teeth on anything around him including my window cranks, chairs, coffee tables, kitchen cabinets, socks, and towels. At times I find myself redirecting him to his bone every few minutes. Tom Lehrer wrote a song called “The Vatican Rag” and the last line of the chorus is, “genuflect, genuflect, genuflect.” This morning I couldn’t help but sing to myself, “redirect, redirect, redirect.”

What infinite patience God has with us! As I wait for Laszlo, so God waits for us when we wander around the world (or rush around the world), one instant hesitant to step forward, doubting and unsure (over-anxious), and in another instant moving so quickly that we miss the moment because we are over-excited. Our Christian journey is ongoing and as human beings we always have so much more to learn about how God is calling us, where we can find Christ in our lives and how we can find Christ in the lives of others. I am sure God sings softly to Godself, “redirect, redirect, redirect” on a regular basis for me when I go astray!

Puppy training is about encouraging the dog to discover, develop, and explore by its own initiative. For, if we force a puppy, it will dig its heels in and refuse. Sound familiar? We too are inclined to dig our heels in if we are forced into an action or situation not of our own choosing. But if we are open to discovering, if we are open to new possibilities, then we may choose to enter in of our own free will, or perhaps we will accept encouragement and support to step out of our comfort zone. Our faith in knowing that God is always present can be the foundation that provides us the courage to keep trying new experiences; allowing our curiosity to continue to spark our imagination and fuel hope of God’s movement in our world.

I know that God gives us a nudge when we are stuck, just as I do with Laszlo on Germantown Avenue when the bus and Mack trucks roar by. I have felt that nudge myself. Sometimes it is a phone call from a dear friend who names my resistance that I cannot see. Other times it is a song on the radio or an interaction with a neighbor who speaks a truth that I could not hear before.

As you see Laszlo and I out and about, stop by and say, “hello”. He is learning how to meet people and engage with the world and I too am learning alongside. I am sure that God is looking on with bemusement saying to himself, “my beloved, these lessons are for you as well.”

Blessings,
The Rev. Anne Thatcher
Associate Rector

The Empty Wagon is the Noisiest

The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel

Nothing rattles quite so loudly as an empty wagon. That folk wisdom came to me through the song “Little America” by REM, my favorite band from 1983 to the present. Much to my frustration, the Christianity I love and depend on for my sanity, sobriety, and hope is too often misrepresented by the loudest, most clamorous and hateful voices today. As a church striving to be faithful to the steadfast way of Jesus Christ, it is appalling that one of our greatest afflictions is the chorus of all those who misrepresent him loudly.

Why is it difficult to pass the faith on to our children? One reason, among others, it that the amplified voice of right-wing Christianity has them convinced that all christians hate LGBTQ people, want women to be subservient, deny climate change, blame the poor for their suffering, and support white supremacy. If your daily media diet is flooded by bullying voices and their often stridently simplistic opponents, then why would you risk the company of Christians in the first place?

So how do we stand up to the playground bullies of Christianity?

The Bible is a good place to start. “If I do not have love I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal,” (1 Cor. 13:2) Apply the love test. Is it love or is it aggression? Is it love or is it the noise of a rear-guard fight against cultural change and the loss of privilege? Yes, some Christian traditions are being discarded and for some that feels like a fearful loss of power and position. For me, I see us discarding oppression and returning our faith to its roots in liberating love. As a white, upper-middle class, cisgender man I find this disconcerting and disorienting. But as a man of faith, I embrace the loss as the way Christ proscribes for me, “You must lose your life to find it.”

The danger of the moment is increased by noisy gongs and clanging cymbals on the liberal Christian side too. It seems to me at times that liberal Christians are so zealous in skepticism and deconstruction of the tradition that they leave us no place to stand and resist. If we destroy our moral source and framework entirely, who are we to challenge any other (supposedly) equally valid point of view? You will never hear me describe myself as “liberal” Christian for this very reason. Our tradition and scripture deconstruct me more than I them.

I certainly do not want to live in a world without the faithful, long-suffering, and steadfast church of Jesus Christ. At our best we are the moral ballast that reins in our worst collective impulses toward greed, revenge, and domination. At our best we propose an alternative world order that resists the amoral gyrations of unrestrained free markets, even when we are not sure how to completely replace capitalism with something more just.

“If it is not about love it is not the Gospel of Jesus Christ,” says our Presiding Bishop, Michael Curry. Filling our wagons with love is how we end the clanging and rattling and begin to ground our moral positions in their true and trustworthy source, Jesus Christ. What if we spoke about the love that drew us to a position of advocacy before we start to shout?

The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel
Rector

Space for Conversation

The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel

"We need less religion, less politics, and more culture," said the Rev. Mitri Raheb when I met with him in Bethlehem this summer. For just this reason, the college he founded is devoted to nurturing art, dance, music, theater, poetry, and the culinary arts. His objective is to develop the bonds of civil society in the West Bank so Palestinians can become a unified people without resorting to religious or political extremism.

I heard this idea expressed by a number of Palestinian leaders including a young man in Hebron who had organized a co-ed 5k run. Predictably, the co-ed run had provoked a clash between more traditional Palestinians and more modernizing Palestinians. The young man took this in stride as the cost of progress. His goal was to carve out a secular space for civic activity that could build the health of his people.

Do we need less religion, less politics, and more culture here in the United States? Would a resurgent or newly conceived common culture mitigate the intensity of our political and religious polarization? I will not pretend to have complete answers to these profound questions but I do have some themes I would like to explore.

Over-confidence in religious beliefs is often named as a major contributing factor to disputes that resist resolution. The corrective is said to be a healthy skepticism and doubt of any value or assertion that comes from a religious worldview. Unlike Palestine, the United States has a long history of a secular civic space and we cast the fantasy that religion has nothing to say in this space. The problem is; how does a religious person leave their religion behind when making moral decisions that shape our common life through politics?

Professor Jeff Stout, recently retired Professor of Religious Studies at Princeton University, puts it this way: "The line between church and state does not run through the heart of a believer." I agree with Jeff - one of my intellectual heroes - and would add, "If I call Jesus Lord, how can he be Lord of only one facet of my life? Mustn't I seek to follow him in every place I make decisions that effect my neighbor?"

My answer to those who counsel doubt and skepticism in religious belief is to wonder why religion should be the thing we doubt most of all. When we are honest, we admit that we do not live each day doubting the values and beliefs that make our day functional. We believe our car will run without knowing the first thing about engineering. Really what we need is to simply be upfront about our commitments, wherever they come from, and contribute them as a way of enriching the moral discussions that form our life together.

Some will object that politics is corrupt and selfish and I want religion to be pure and transcendent. My gentle reminder is that we follow a God who took on incarnate life and battled sin hand to hand to the point of a sordid and disgraceful death. Perhaps we need to follow him into the muck and the squalor for the sake of love of neighbor and God?

If you're interested in further discussion around this topic, I highly recommend that you join us on Sunday morning, October 28, for Parish Forum at 9:15 a.m. Chris Satullo will lead us in the first of a two-part series on Conversations Across Differences. See you in the parish hall!

Blessings,
Rev. Jarrett Kerbel

Rector
Parish Forum - Sundays at 9:15 a.m. in the Parish Hall
Oct. 28: Conversations Across Differences
The common denominator in all of our communities is they are divided by differences of all kinds. How do you get people to discuss their differences and put their solutions into action? Our guest speaker at Parish Forum this week is Chris Satullo and he's an expert on the subject. Chris is the co-founder of the Penn Project of Civic Engagement and is a columnist for the Philadelphia Inquirer. He will demonstrate how faith plays as important a part of breaking down barriers as anything else does. Join us for the first of this two-part series this Sunday at 9:15 a.m. in the Parish Hall.

Chris Satullo

Nov. 4: Conversations Across Differences, Part II
This week Chris Satullo continues his discussion on how faith can play a role in slicing through differences we face in our communities in part two of this important series. Today he’ll discuss strategies to start conversations, arrive at solutions, and put those solutions into action. We can save the world one small piece at a time. Your first lesson awaits you at Parish Forum.

The Obstacle of Self

Crucifixion by Eduardo Rodriguez Calzado

When I met with my first Spiritual Director for the first time I talked a lot. I jabbered, babbled, confabulated, sermonized and generally rambled. Talking is easy for me and weaving a cocoon of words is second nature. In my heart I know that my words are an attempt at intimacy, in effect they are a smoke screen, a defensive bunker and an assertion of false, egotistic self.

 

My Spiritual Director, a monk from Holy Cross Monastery, patiently endured until he had a chance to speak. “Get your self out of the way,” is all he said before leaving me.

The identity we create over time helps us function in the world. Our self is both an ‘adaptation’ we undertake to manage the demands of life and an ‘accident’ of factors and experiences beyond our control. Our identity may help us swim in the waters of a turbulent world or it may drag us to the bottom, it may help us sing the song God is leading or leave us lonely on an island longing for contact with the Divine.

 

For me, one primary obstacle blocking intimacy with God is my chronic self-loathing. On some fundamental level I hate the person God made me to be. I hate that I am vulnerable. I hate that I am emotional and sensitive. I hate that I am not manly enough. I hate that faith and doubt are constantly at war inside me. I hate that I am inescapably attracted to God and I am embarrassed to be a religious person.

 

Perhaps I share too much. However, the approach to God runs through the bright light of honesty. And this is where self-loathing becomes an obstacle. In God’s presence, we can only be honest; we can only be the person we were created to be. Going into God’s presence means making a journey beneath the mask of our adaptive and functional self and into whatever we are so diligently trying to hide.

Tears, frustration, anger, and avoidance often mark the threshold of this vulnerable place. We are going to a place that we have spent a lot of energy to suppress and ignore. Life experience has often taught us to protect this true self from harsh judgment and rejection by burying it deep.

 

The good news is that the bright light of honesty shining from God is the light of love. It is a liberating and refreshing light, a light that encourages our true self to be alive and real. In the Light, we feel the tingling tenderness and exposure of the newborn; we feel the odd relief of spiritual poverty, stripped of all our armor and strategies for puffing ourselves up. We entertain powerlessness in relationship to our own salvation, putting aside all the false strategies for saving ourselves and admitting our dependence on God.