1619-1919: Finding Ourselves in the History of Racism

Editor's Note: This week's post is written by the Rev. Barbara Ballenger. She has helped to lead St. Martin's Becoming Beloved Community work since 2014.

St. Martin’s efforts at Becoming Beloved Community follow the lead of the Episcopal Church in its church-wide call for racial reconciliation and healing. It is part of the church’s deep reflection on its own complicity in the long legacy of racial oppression. This call is rooted in the scriptures and the Baptismal Covenant, which invite us to a new level of respect for the dignity of every human being that fundamentally challenges and displaces racism.

In August, The New York Times reminded us of a sobering anniversary, the 400th year that the first enslaved Africans were brought to Virginia, anticipating four centuries of race-based oppression in the United States. For Episcopalians, whose Anglican forebears built, blessed, and benefited from the architecture of slavery and its aftermath, this legacy clings to us in ways typical of deep structural sin: fostering social blindness and deafness to the experience of people of color; quieting the Gospel of Jesus and amplifying the agendas of scientific and economic advancement; and centering whiteness in everything from our religious imagery to our church structure. That is why the Episcopal Church has been leading us in a wide-scale effort of racial repentance, reconciliation, and healing. Our Presiding Bishop, the Rt. Rev. Michael Curry, explains this ongoing work well in this brief video.

St. Martin’s has been at the effort for a while, most recently laying out a framework to be even more intentional about how we learn, embody, and advocate racial justice and healing. This 400th anniversary does put the work in a long and painful perspective, however, and it invites us anew to take a hard look at how we engage with our own individual and collective history around racism, and how we participate in healing the racial wounds in the Body of Christ.

This program year, St. Martin’s will offer several opportunities to engage in the ongoing work of Becoming Beloved Community. I encourage you to make time to participate, bringing your insights and stories to the effort.

Here is a look at what lies ahead:

• Sunday, Sept. 29 Parish Forum (9:15 a.m.) – Finding Ourselves in the 400 Years: What the Spirit is Saying to the Church about its Legacy of Racism. Featuring a short film by Katrina Brown and a discussion of local racial history by diocesan historian, David Contosta.
• Wednesdays, Oct. 9-Nov. 6 (7 p.m. to 9 p.m.) Beginning Beloved Community Workshop. This five-week series, developed in 2015 and 2016 by St. Martin's parishioners and staff, provides an introduction to the individual and collective work of racial understanding and healing central to our Becoming Beloved Community efforts. Recommended for all parishioners and ministry leaders. Learn more and register here.
• Wednesdays, Jan. 8 -29, (7:30 p.m. to 9 p.m.) Wellspring-led discussion of the book, Waking Up White, by Debby Irving. The author writes: "My hope is that by sharing my sometimes cringe-worthy struggle to understand racism and racial tensions, I offer a fresh perspective on bias, stereotypes, manners, and tolerance."

In addition to these educational offerings, committees of parishioners and staff will continue to follow the recommendations of our Becoming Beloved Community Strategic Plan, by working on the following this year:

• Developing a process for recruiting, hiring, and retaining people of color onto our program staff.
• Creating a training process for parish ministry leaders to build leadership skills grounded in racial justice and healing. This will be developed this year, and formally launched during the 2020-21 program year.
• Strengthening our public witness against racial injustices in our community, led by our Community Engagement Committee.
• Engaging all our parish committees and outreaches in the work of Becoming Beloved Community.

The Becoming Beloved Community effort at St. Martin’s is overseen by the Vestry, the clergy, and the Becoming Beloved Community Team, a committee of parishioners whose mission is to support the implementation of the BBC Strategic Plan. It is led by Justina Barrett, The Rev. Carol Duncan and The Rev. Barbara Ballenger.

To learn more about the parish’s Becoming Beloved Community efforts and find resources for engagement, visit the racial justice page under Community Engagement at StMartinEC.org.

Blessings,
The Rev. Barbara Ballenger
Associate for Spiritual Formation & Care

What do I need to be free?

How do we get free from the pain we carry from injuries inflicted on us by people close to us? This painful and pressing question comes up frequently when I am providing pastoral care. Emotional, spiritual, and moral injuries cry out. They will not remain still. They beg to be addressed.

In the face of the painful insistence of these injuries we often provide false answers to ourselves in an attempt to get free. The instinct is correct. We want to get free of the pain. False answers, however, increase the pain and leave us with a diminished life. Examples include blaming ourselves, taking too much responsibility, pretending it was not so bad, excusing the abuser, and so on.

What we really need - what our emotional pain is calling out for - is a reckoning and an apology from the person who harmed us. Eve Ensler makes this observation in her amazing new book, The Apology. Ensler is a playwright, author, humanitarian, and a survivor of vicious childhood abuse by her father. Using her creative gifts she conjures up her dead father as the narrator of the book and uses her imagination to lead him into the reckoning and apology he owes her.

Ensler starts with the question, “What do I need to be free?” From that starting point she discovered her process. An apology from her abuser would need to have the following characteristics to aide her healing:

First, her father would need to be humble and approach her as an equal and not from above. Second, her father would need to be vulnerable, emotionally available to understanding the harm done, and ready to hear what he has done. Third, her father would need to be empathetic, ready to understand and feel the sadistic harm he inflicted from the perspective of his daughter, and what she experienced at the time. Fourth, the father would need to forsake the self-excusing amnesia of the victimizer and be ready to reconstruct the hidden, shameful history for what it is, listening to the voice of the victim especially. Fifth, her father would need to be accountable, willing to take responsibility for harm done and, most importantly, willing to become reflective enough to begin his own healing journey into his own personal damage.

The good news is that the author was able to walk this path to freedom in a conversation with a father who has been dead for many years. In her imagination she was able to dream a new reality that crossed boundaries and opened up new possibilities for empathy and healing. I would call this a form of therapeutic prayer.

We can be set free from harms that oppress us. I highly recommend this book as an aide and guide to your healing. I will plan to offer a Reading with the Rector during 2019 - 2020 on this book.

Blessings,
The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel
Rector

A People Set Free

Easter Greetings!

My kids and I love to play Monopoly on lazy summer evenings in Maine. After years of play, my kids delight in dominating me in this property acquisition game. Soon enough I am hemmed in by monopolies with hotels on every side. At that moment I pray to ‘Go Directly to Jail’ for a moment of respite.

While cooling my heels in Monopoly jail last summer, I found myself wondering, “What if a man in a tuxedo and top hat rang my doorbell one day and delivered to me a ‘get out of jail free’ card? How would I live my life from that moment on?”

On Easter we get a very real ‘get out of jail free’ card. The risen Christ delivers to us the good news that we are set free from sin, fear, and death and invited into a new life of grace, hope, and love. How will we live our lives, having received that good news?

Free from the fear of death, we can live boldly and take risks in the service of Jesus Christ. His way, his truth, and his life are vindicated and embraced eternally by God in the resurrection, so that we can live his way, his truth, and his life with him now!

As a people set free, let us serve Christ in righting wrongs, healing relationships, reconciling historic grievances, crossing divides, and sacrificing for the sake of the most vulnerable. As a people set free, let us serve Christ by giving ourselves to spiritual transformation through prayer, study, worship, service, and by exchanging harmful habits for ones that give life.

The risen Christ is our way out of bondage and into a freedom that sets the world free; a freedom that desires only the flourishing of all God’s creatures.

Happy Easter,

The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel
Rector

A Peek into the March Vestry Retreat

On Saturday, March 16 your vestry gathered for our annual vestry retreat. The focus of the retreat was advancing our Becoming Beloved Community strategic framework through reflection, conversation, clarification, and delegation. By following this link you can view the full notes generated at the retreat in a format that follows the major headings of the Becoming Beloved Community strategic framework:
1. Institution: Leadership and Practice

• Training/orienting parish leaders with lens of racial healing
• Process for recruiting, hiring, and retaining persons of color to senior staff positions

2. Education: Many Points of Entry

• BBC conversation starter
• BBC basic workshop in fall 2019

3. Public Witness: Rapid, appropriate response informed by and in partnership with people of color.

• Community Engagement creates racial justice/witness process
• Add rapid response/witness to ongoing work with POWER

In the morning, we worked with a wonderful consultant named Anthony Moore who helped our leadership reflect on the meaning of diversity of inclusion for St. Martin’s. We emerged from that session with a strong sense that difference enriches our community and requires a commitment to education and growth to allow differences to feel welcomed and to flourish in the church.

A repeated theme was that we need to welcome, respect, and attend to the experience of each person simply because that experience or perspective is their own. We also need to encourage an atmosphere of mutual support and learning so we can try, fail, and succeed together and endure in community through the inevitable mistakes that come with growth. As Barb Ballenger often reminds me, having set off on the path of racial healing we will be all the more accountable and more acutely aware when we fall short. Prayer, mutual support, forgiveness, and endurance will be crucial to the path forward.
In the afternoon, our agenda focused on points 1 and 3 of the strategic framework. First we established clear definitions of racism, bigotry, and implicit bias. Then we created a list of qualities and skills to guide a future training program for parish leaders. We brainstormed factors we should consider in designing a process to recruit, hire, and retain people of color in senior staff positions at the church. We reflected deeply on authority and trust and how racism disrupts and distorts relationships by spreading distrust and diminishing authority. I reflected on how much unearned authority and trust I receive simply because I am white, straight, and male and how different it would be for a person of color in my position.

We finished a very productive day by delegating work on point three, public witness, to the community engagement committee. The vestry laid down broad-brush recommendations and the committee will design a public witness policy and procedure to present to the vestry at a later date. This work will dovetail nicely with the work we did in parish forum last Sunday. We will bring the results of this committee work to the parish for conversation and endorsement, hopefully by annual meeting on Sunday, June 9.

I could not be more proud of our vestry for such sincere, brave, and open engagement with a challenging and promising agenda that will shape the future of this parish. The vestry and all of our members have the power to shape the environment of this place toward the flourishing of each member in his or her blessed uniqueness! St. Martin’s has made an intentional choice to face our legacy of racism and to turn toward God’s path of racial justice, cultural humility, and racial healing. May God bless us on this journey.

The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel

Blessings,
The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel
Rector

Here's that link again for our retreat full minutes.

Over My Head

The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel

Swimming in the deep end was a rite of passage in my childhood. When could I swim well enough to slip under the floating line into the deep water where the big kids swam? On that special day when permission was given - when I graduated from the “guppy” swim class to be a “fish” - courage was summoned. Tiptoes pushed off into the mystery of swimming where I could sink twelve feet down. Confidence came from risking it. Comfort slowly followed as anxiety faded in the joy of play.

Moving into the deep end, getting in over my head, happens again and again in life. As a leader, I am not sure I am allowed to admit when I am over my head. But as a faith leader, over my head is just a fact of life. With God we are always in over our head. God is always drawing us into the deeper water of God’s mysterious inner life, so life in faith (i.e. trusting and living in Christ) will always return us to the status of beginner, learner, guppy.

One way I know that St. Martin’s is heading in the right direction is that I feel my competence challenged. I feel like I am in over my head. That is a good indication that we are in the realm of faith. Our Becoming Beloved Community work reminds me all the time that I am a beginner even though I have done anti-racism training for 20+ years. Dismantling the imprint our racist culture has put in my soul and psyche is a startlingly deep task.

In fact, I would like to suggest that the illusion of competence and confidence I carry as my “birthright” as a white male are products of unearned and unreflective privilege. So healing from racism for me will entail acknowledging this, and then risking incompetence and disorientation. Faith draws me into this in the hope that God’s will is to heal me and draw me into a more whole version of myself, stripped of the marks of sin.

Leadership means inviting you to go with me on this uncomfortable and disorientating journey of faith. You won’t be able to look to me for answers because I am in this struggle with you. We can, however, look to each other for goodwill, support, prayer, and compassion as we do some hard learning together.

Blessings,
The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel
Rector

Editor's Note: 
On Sunday, March 3 at our 9:15 a.m. parish forum is an opportunity for us all to discuss this journey together during "Talking Beloved Community" with our Becoming Beloved Community team. Read more here.

Before the Crisis

The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel

Mortality has a way of focusing our attention. Suffering, anguish, and crisis put daily distractions in perspective and focus our minds on what is essential. Most people seek out pastoral support in times of crisis. We are always here for you in that moment whatever time of day or whichever day of the week. Always make that call. We have the spiritual resources most needed in crisis - love, listening, compassion, prayer, community, and most importantly the presence of Christ in sacraments and in the midst of believing people. “Wherever two or three are gathered, I will be in the midst of you,” said Jesus.


In a sense we can be grateful for crisis and suffering when they encourage us to “wake up,” “seek help,” “go deeper,” and “depend on God.” On the other hand, I would like to advise all of us to engage our spiritual growth and development well before the moment of crisis hits. Imagine getting the horrible news that you have only months to live. Do you want to cram a lifetime of spiritual growth and development into those months when coping will be hard enough? The Good News teaches us that God will complete our healing on the other side of death. But, we will be better equipped to meet all our challenges on this side of mortality if we have embraced the learning and growing made available by grace each regular, normal day.

If I have learned one thing in 23 years of ministry it is that people who embrace the baptismal cycle of dying to self and rising to new life in Christ during their quotidian life are more prepared for the final instance of that cycle when death comes.

Perhaps it all depends on what you think the end game is. If you are only preparing for eternal life with God in the hereafter, perhaps you can leave your spiritual growth to the last minute. On the other hand, if your desire is to witness to the Gospel in this life - for your life, your love, your energy to radiate the life-shaping freedom of the Good News now - then we need to delve deeply into prayer, scripture, community, service, and intentional spiritual reflection daily.

The latter path requires virtues acquired through habit, through practice. Only through daily prayer, weekly study, steady service, and ongoing, faithful relationships do we build a heart attuned to what God is saying to us. Such a life of habitual approach to God both requires and builds up the virtues of endurance, perseverance, courage, and patience in us. These virtues bring a steadiness to our life that we desperately need in tumultuous and distracting times. Reacting to every provocation, chasing every fad, making every minute productive, chasing immediate gratification - these habits pull our souls apart, leaving us exhausted, fragmented, and ungrounded. The Good News is that we know a better way.

Blessings,
The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel
Rector

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Contact the clergy in crisis:

Rev. Jarrett Kerbel, rector
jkerbel@stmartinec.org | 215.247.7466 x101 | 215.704.5499 cell

Rev. Anne Thatcher, associate rector
athatcher@stmartinec.org | 215.247.7466 x105 | 509.876.1924 cell

Rev. Carol Duncan, deacon
carol.duncan8031@gmail.com | 330.705.4795 cell

Barbara Ballenger, associate for spiritual formation & care and postulant
bballenger@stmartinec.org | 215.247.7466 x102

An Unforgiving Culture

The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel

We are living in an unforgiving era of knee-jerk judgment. Conclusions are reached instantly and opinions transmitted without delay in response to a picture, a video, a brief news report, or a rumor. Social media seems to amplify our conflict, tempt us to simplistic judgements, and provides a constant platform for moral posturing and partisanship. What we need is relational healing and mutual problem solving, yet both are not well suited to our new normal of relating.

The printing press was a crucial ingredient in the Protestant Reformation. This technological revolution allowed for unprecedented literacy, independence from traditional authorities like clergy, and the broadcast of theological debates and partisanship across all of Europe. We embrace the freedom of thought encouraged by this technological advance, even while we cringe at some of the side effects. Reformation debate led to religious warfare, toxic skepticism, and a paralyzing inability to acknowledge and stabilize sources of authority.  

Two people reading and typing on smartphones. Image:Pixabay

Technology is once again outracing and distorting our moral commitments. We need to slow down, take a breath, sort through the sources, and insist on credible media. Much like the slow food movement that invited people to decelerate and enjoy a meal and conversation with friends and family, I think we need a slow conversation movement where we take the time needed for the nuance required by the subjects that challenge us.

Stuck on a long car ride the other day, I had such a conversation with a friend about abortion. This is a very difficult and charged topic but we explored it fully with curiosity, patience, and generosity. We agreed that the subject required a nuanced and careful approach. We agreed that real solutions were inhibited by the nature of the debate. I am grateful for this oddball conversation because I needed to ask some questions to clarify my thoughts, and I cannot do that if I am scared of the response.  

Partisanship distorts moral discourse, reducing any concern into a blunt instrument designed to win. It is no wonder that we cannot claw our way back to compromise and mutual problem-solving when we start at the conclusion.  

Spiritually, our culture is deeply concerning to me. If we cannot receive each other and forgive each other or even sacrifice for each other, then community will dissolve and we will be even more alone. Millennials talk about the social media practice of “cancelling” each other. This means blocking or unfriending someone who falls short of your sense of moral decency. Jesus taught us to forgive 7 x 70 times. For the disciple of Jesus there is a tension here. How do we love the neighbor with whom we disagree profoundly? How do we allow someone to regain our trust after they have made us feel unsafe? A forgiving culture risks turning toward each other with the hope that relationship can be restored.

Blessings,

The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel

Rector

OHC and Me

Holy Cross Monastery in spring

As we approach our annual Lenten Retreat to Holy Cross Monastery in West Park, New York, I would like to share my feelings about this special place with the congregation. Holy Cross, for me, is what the Celts call a “thin place,” that is a place where God is especially accessible.

Here is my story…

In 1988, as a depressed and strung-out college junior I had a dream one night about Holy Cross Monastery based on a vague memory from a childhood visit. Though I was studying religion at the time I had abandoned the church and scoffed at faith. The day after this vivid dream, I called my mother and described the dream to her. She identified it immediately as Holy Cross. I asked her to book me a room for spring break that year leaving her completely baffled. 

I flew home to New Jersey between terms, took New Jersey Transit to New York and Metro North to Poughkeepsie, where a monk met me at the train station. Armed with a stack of books to defend myself against religion I set up camp in a room on the third floor. For some reason, however, I attended every worship service.  

Whether it was Matins, Vespers, Prime, or Compline, I always sat in the back row of the chapel, body turned resolutely away from the brothers, chagrined by all the religiousness and feeling self-righteous and "too smart for all this."  

To the surprise of the monks and myself, on my last day, I went up for the Eucharistic around the altar. Like St. Martin's, the community gathers around the table for the celebration of the Lord’s Supper. At the passing of the peace I was overcome by God's loving presence and the divine desire to receive me. I sobbed through the Eucharistic Prayer as every word rang clear as a bell in my heart and mind. The mental image of a sharp, clean, silver needle passing a slender thread through the words and through my heart carried me through the emotionally wrenching moment. With God’s gentle, nurturing love overwhelming my resistance, my healing had begun.

After the dismissal, I bolted down to the Hudson and cried for an hour or so before a brother found me and got me to my train on time.

Holy Cross will forever be for me the place where God began to knit me back together again. I return there as often as I can because the grace I receive there helps me to grow deeper into the mystery of God. It is a place where God can polish my soul so it can glow with God’s light.

I hope you will consider attending our retreat in March. Perhaps you can give this retreat as a gift to your spouse. Take the kids for the weekend and give your beloved the chance for some renewal. Ask your teenage son or daughter – or college-aged child – if they would like to attend. They are most welcome. Find more information on the Wellspring page of StMartinEC.org.

- The Rev. Jarrett Kerbel

What's Next After St. Martin's?

Some years before I came to St. Martin’s, I attended three cooking classes taught by Christina Pirello, the host of WHYY’s Christina Cooks. In these classes, I learned how to cook in what Christina calls the “whole foods way”. “Cooking the whole foods way” means using fresh vegetables, whole grains, nuts, and legumes, and avoiding processed food. I was excited to be in Christina’s class because it took me back to my childhood days when I used to watch my mother cook. Interestingly, I learned that my mother also cooked in the whole foods way. You might say that Christina’s course was an advanced version of, what for me is, back-home cooking. So her class enabled me to refine my cooking skills. In particular, I learned different ways of chopping vegetables, how to
use my intuition when combining ingredients to make a recipe, and how to use appliances like a pressure cooker. I was also excited by the abundance and diversity of vegetables and legumes: so many colors, shapes and sizes with which to experiment. My choices of ingredients expanded. I now include leeks, rutabagas, parsnips, turnips, collard greens, kale, quinoa, flax seed, and many other ingredients in my recipes. 

Christina has inspired me since I took her classes. When she was 27 years old (some 30 years ago) she was diagnosed with terminal leukemia and did the most courageous thing. She opted to forego conventional treatment because, she told us, she saw how her mother suffered as she underwent chemotherapy. Around the same time of her diagnosis she met her future husband, Robert, who introduced her to Macrobiotic cooking and the macrobiotic lifestyle. A major part of her treatment was a matter of nutrition, and she credits her healing to eating in the way Robert taught her. She went into remission after a year and a half! As a nurse I was amazed by her recovery and by her trust in the power of nature to heal. Our body has the capacity to heal itself. We all have a healer-within, if we but trust in the power of our body to heal itself. 

I’ve heard and read similar courageous healing stories like Christina’s that inspire me and my husband to adopt their eating lifestyle to complement the traditional treatment he is receiving.

Some of you asked me about what I am going to do when I leave St. Martin’s. Well, I am going to take some Sabbath time and cook. I am going to cook like I’ve never cooked before. That is, I am going to devote more time to cooking than I ever did in the past. I have a collection of recipes from a stack of cookbooks that have been on my shelf for quite a while now just waiting to be cooked! These recipes are calling to me. And I plan to create some of my own recipes as well.

Lately, I have been spending much of my time in the kitchen when I’m home. I have come to consider my kitchen a sacred space in which I prepare holy food for nourishment and healing. Cooking has become a prayer exercise in which I thank God for the abundance God has given us and I ask God to bless each ingredient I am using for that meal. I also ask God to bless the fire, the pots and pans, and my hands.

I am looking forward to new possibilities during my Sabbath time and beyond. God willing, all will be well.

- The Rev. Harriet Kollin

The Rev. Harriet Kollin, Associate Rector, is leaving her employ at St. Martin's at the end of June. We'll celebrate her ministry with us these past three years, and wish her a blessed and fond farewell at the Pentecost worship services on Sunday, June 8, 2014.